he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
