Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
