no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
