Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
