I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
