remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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