You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
