seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
