Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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