the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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