Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
