so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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