just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
