If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
