Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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