Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
