I have demons in me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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