Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
