Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
