I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
