he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
