we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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