getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
