Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
