Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
