guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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