Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
