So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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