I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
