Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
