just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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