I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
