I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
