I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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