dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
