He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
