Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
