She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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