you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
