11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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