I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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