and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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