That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
