i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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