Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
