Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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