You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
