I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
