You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We smell like vodka and hangover
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