I faked an abortion last night.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
