Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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