He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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