4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
