You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
