Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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