is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
