we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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