he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
