Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize