11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
