My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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