i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
