I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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