these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
