How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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