normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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