Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
