sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
