the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
