Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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